Flexing your muscles
I’m often reminded of my bad habits. Not by others, mind you — sometimes people are too polite 
But I’ve noticed that many of us are raised with a mindset of self-punishment. We pick up on something we think we shouldn’t be doing, thinking, or saying, and immediately start in with the negative self-talk: “That’s a terrible thought, you shouldn’t even think that!” or “Look what you did, you ALWAYS do that.” Almost as though it were a mental or emotional slap on the wrist.
It’s as many parents deal with children, don’t you think? As children, we learn that we shouldn’t do certain things, or exhibit certain behaviors. But we’re not told the ‘why’. We just learn that we should in order to please God, or to function in our environment.
Well, it’s time to put old habits behind, and how are you going to do it? Using the above system? I don’t think so. Try a different approach…
1. Awareness/Acceptance
2. Identify the triggers
3. Delay and redirect
One of my bad habits is {drum roll please}…. DISTRACTION! I’m so easily distracted. There’s so many entertaining distractions these days, it’s hard NOT to get caught up in it.
Why do I think distractions are bad for me? Because I have other goals in life than just being entertained. I’m anxious to be engaged in good causes. I have financial and health goals. And all the while I am stuck in distraction, I see those goals slip behind.
So! Let’s talk about shirking distraction, and otherwise defeating ‘bad’ habits. I put ‘bad’ in quotation marks because they really aren’t necessarily bad. The truth is that they are undesired. Smokers might think the consequences of decreased health and life expectancy as undesirable. I think having a goal of vacationing in Fiji and not achieving it is undesirable
The difficult thing about habits is that they are actually addictions. We have very real addictions — mental, emotional, physical, hormonal — that keep us somewhat trapped in them. Somewhere in our behaviors there is an immediate gratification, an instant payoff that keeps us coming back for more. It took time building those addictions, it will take time to dismantle them.
First, you must become aware of your habit or addiction. This might seem obvious. But, in one of my favorite movies of all time, “American Beauty”, one of the characters says, “Never underestimate the power of denial”. It’s TRUE! Sometimes we would much rather deny we have a ‘problem’, and just cope. In this step it’s important to withhold judgment. Judgment will do you no good. Slapping yourself on the wrist will do…no good. Simply become aware, and move on to the next step:
Identify the triggers. When I work, sometimes it helps to have the television on in the background. Just for some background noise. Believe it or not, it helps me focus. ….Usually. But sometimes I just get distracted. Another trigger I have is other websites — news, blogs, wikipedia, online games, you name it, there’s plenty of opportunity. But I know now, that these things lead me to distraction, wasting hoards of precious time, and making me feel guilty for not being wiser with my energy. So I started doing the following, and it’s worked:
Delay and redirect. Instead of turning on the TV, I say, “Okay, I can turn on the TV, but first… I am going to do something that supports my personal goals,” or “I will visit my favorite news website for 5 minutes, but first, I’m going to finish this task.” You see, I want to be distracted. And since I work for myself, there’s no one to watch my back but me. So I have to flex those muscles of focus, and concentration. Those muscles of self-control become weak when your habits become strong. The point here is to exercise, stretch, and strengthen your self-supporting muscles.
Remember,
1. Awareness/Acceptance
2. Identify the triggers
3. Delay and redirect
Write it down. Grab a timer and use it. Be disciplined, and you will see, bit by bit, your undesired habits will weaken and change. In fact, your interest in them will start to fall away altogether. For instance, my TV isn’t on right now. I said, “Okay, I can turn on the TV, but first, I am going to write this article.” And now, not only have I written an article that will hopefully benefit others, I’m actually enjoying the peace and quiet!
Namaste
February 22nd, 2010